sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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