so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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