You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
