we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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