they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
