How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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