Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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