Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
