every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
