I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
