You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
