ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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