Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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