you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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