I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
