I need to stop coming to work sober
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
