Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
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I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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