I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
