I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
