Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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