I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
