Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
my god I love twenty year old dicks
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
