I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
