hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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