Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
