I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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