Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize