so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
