Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
