Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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