just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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