One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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