he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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