Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
