Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories