Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia