Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
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so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days