You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
