my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
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I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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