My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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