I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
