forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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