i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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