I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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