This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
