That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
