What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
