I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
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I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
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All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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