Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
