Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
