Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
