can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
