You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
