Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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