Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
