Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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