last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
