im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
