Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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