That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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