I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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