if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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