I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
