Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just want to make out with him forever
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im part way to drunk.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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