I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
