I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
