i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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